Dump your cheating spouse

Once they've crossed that line, it's easier to justify it, keep on cheating, and enjoy the ride while it lasts. If you've been cheated on you are likely angry, hurt, and feeling incredibly betrayed. Those feelings are normal and understandable.

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It's important to recognize, however, that although your feelings may be different than your cheating partner's, it doesn't mean your partner doesn't have negative feelings about cheating -- they'll probably just not show them in the same way. Burying feelings or explaining away their behavior is how cheaters live with themselves. The majority of men, and women, who cheat aren't bad people. They've just made a series of bad decisions.

If you've been cheated on you might think I'm being too kind here. But the truth is the majority of cheaters do feel bad about cheating. If you have been cheated on, however, you now have to think about one of the toughest questions in a relationship, do you leave after an affair or do you find a way to work through it?

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Do you offer phone counseling? Do you offer online counseling? What is men's counseling like? What kind of men go to counseling? Do you have counseling for women? Do you offer couples counseling? Do you offer counseling for boys or counseling for teens? But anyway, the thing is 8s don't come along often enough to keep me happy. So I dip down into the 6s and 5s because it is easier to get them into bed, even if they don't usually do that and want you for more, you can just say "sorry I just want something casual" and many of them will cave and be ok with that.

Note this is not as bad as it sounds; you be honest with them and they are often ok with it even though it isn't everything they want.

When Someone Cheats On You, Do This

Now, the A grade guys are doing this with 7s and 8s, so a lot of those women won't give B grade men like me much attention because they think they can do better, and on occasion they can. So most of them are going to hold out for those A grade men, even though it is highly unlikely any will stay with them. And it goes down from there. What that means is that there is this skew, where women hold out for men out of their league because those men sometimes DO show them attention.

8 women on what it's like to get back together with a cheating ex

And they are waiting for one of them to stay. But many don't realise how unrealistic that is. This all comes about because women simply do not have the same sex drive as men, so they do not need to 'dip down' to find sex. In fact, they get to go up a category or two when they are offering NSA sex! If it were the other way around, a guy like me could sleep with 9s and 10s when he wanted but only seriously date 7s and 8s.

I wish!!!! Nothing scientific to all this, just a lot of observation from a guy who does too much dating You have a very stereotyped old school male view of the whole dating situation. You seem to grade women only on appearance.

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And as for "women simply do not have the same sex drive as men", it doesn't sound like you have the experience you claim to have. If you've been with a number of high-energy women, you wouldn't make a statement like that unless your idea of "low sex drive" is anything less than sex twice a day every single day.

And the picture you paint of women who want financial assistance, well, in the USA at least, more women have been getting college degrees than men for a number of years now. So it's not unusual for a guy to be married to a woman who is both stunning and brings home a big paycheck. And, funny thing, some women like that have a hard time finding men because many men are too rattled by women like that. What you say contradicts the data dump analysis, which found there the ratio of men to real straight women on AM was almost men to 1 woman.

That means the vast majority of men never hooked up with a real woman. If what you say is true, you are extraordinarily resourceful in navigating through the fake fembots on the AM site, and you've paid a lot of money for the increased access of talking to real women, etc. Even if what you say is true, the data dump analysis indicates that the AM site should not be recommended to any men whatsoever, because they cannot expect to duplicate the results you claim.

Gary, you seem like an intelligent person so at least I don't feel like I am wasting my time replying here. Ok, I have not looked at this data dump at all. But in no way is that ratio reflective of my experience, and that may simply be because it was different in Australia or that some other factor is at play.

But I have to say if the ratio was then I am highly surprised the website lasted more than a few weeks, not many people are stupid enough to hang around long with those odds. And if the odds were so bad why would rich celebrities be on it at all? They wouldn't stay if it wasn't working for them. It was easy to spot most fakes, they had no real info filled out and just some really generic text etc.

Even the pictures just didn't look right in most cases. But there were plenty, and I do mean plenty of real women on there. I may have only met a dozen or so but I chatted to a lot more, maybe 50 - overall. Now if some of them were fakes they certainly did a good job of hiding it, and with around half of them it was me who decided not to meet them for various reasons.

Once I moved out I went to another site and it was far better value and also more productive, because discretion was no longer necessary.

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So my time on AM was limited, and as I say not cheap or even good but it did serve it's purpose. There are massive, well documented differences in male and female sex drive. I have been with all sorts, but it is not my experience or yours that we need to rely on here. Just look at reality if you want to see the difference. Let's start with your assessment of the AM data dump! Even if it was that would be a huge factor right there. Men are overwhelmingly more likely to be seeking casual sex.

Your partner cheated, but you decided to stay—here’s what to do next

Any other website will show this too. But let's not stop there. What is the ratio of female to male prostitutes? Those that are male probably on average have more male clients than female. How many women ever need to pay for sex? But with men, many do. Everywhere you look the sex drive difference between men and women is apparent. It cannot be confused with how much a man and a woman want to have sex once they have a sexual relationship.

We are talking about the seeking of casual sex here. And women hold all the cards. And I am happy for them Psychology which I read a lot of will show you that women rarely seek unconnected, unemotional sex. Men seek it all the time. It may not always be the best sex, but we are more than happy to have it, and go out of our way to have it. Again, the evidence is everywhere, not just in psychology books and articles. Now you could say all the PC things here, like men like connected sex and women like hook ups too etc.

Prostitution, casual sex focussed dating sites, and just regular life show that there is a huge, fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to sex. I hear what you're saying about meeting real women. The credibility problem you have is that the data dump analysis was done by several experts on sites which have a lot of credibility, using terminology and concepts which I, as a computer expert by profession, which were right on the money. And you are just one lone person posting the contrary.

And it was also demonstrated that AM subcontracted to set up fake female profiles, and such subcontractors would presumably also post positive "experiences" just as you're doing here right now. It wouldn't take a lot of effort by even just one hired shill to hit the major dating forums and sex forums to post what you're doing. As one article put it, the problem is that if you're only on the Internet, "reality" can be a lot of smoke and mirrors. As for sex drive, yes, sure you'll be correct if you equate "sex drive" with "drive to have casual sex".

That's a limited equivalence you've made, and it's not what many people or researchers mean. If you look at couples who come to sex therapy, the number of men vs. And as I previously suggested, women can differ quite a bit in their sex drives. If you have any extensive experience, you would know that some women have very high sex drives which are higher than most men, and a few women not only have high sex drives but are quite OK with casual sex too.

They're often more careful about bragging about it, though, because it rattles many men and causes other women to call them sluts. This needs to be applied to BOTH spouses - the overt cheater and the covert cheater.

Does A Cheater Regret Cheating?

You know, the supposed innocent spouses who participated in setting up an unhealthy environment in their own marriage by passive cheating - long term disengagement, long term refusal to engage in behaviors that strengthen the marital bond, long term refusal to engage in any sexual activity - yet expect their own spouse to go without intimacy for years or even decades.

Yeah, there are a subset of folks who cheat for sport - but what about the rest? Are they all losers? I think not. All of this passive cheating oftentimes happens from the comfy confines of their favorite recliner. And doesn't involve another person sexually. Covert cheaters need to be held accountable they broke their marriage vows first.

Then, when their spouse finally physically cheats, after years of rejection and having tried everything else, they want to take the moral high ground. Excellent points. My husband has cheated on me with his recliner for decades. Oh, and he also refuses me a divorce. So what exactly are my options? Are you kidding me!! Yes we read in the newspaper about some or other famous person cheating for sport. That is not the real world for the rest of us. In every case, within family, friends and co-workers the person who does the cheating suffers for years before they cheat and still suffers while cheating due to guilt they know what they are doing is wrong coupled with profound sadness and anger that they could not get their needs met at home.

The person who is cheated on is then cast as a "victim" when in reality they have been emotionally abusive for years and pleas for help have fallen on deaf ears. Nobody I know goes into marriage planning on years of loneliness, disapproval and neglect to the point where they are open to affection from someone else. Cheating is a symptom of a much larger problem and one that usually has gone on unaddressed by the person who was cheated on for many years before the cheating occurred. The victim here is the person who had their human needs neglected to the point that they acted out.

Thank you Glen. It isn't all about the sexual side, its the lack of affection, connection and feelings of isolation.

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Sometimes you don't realise how deep those feelings run until you talk to someone in a similar situation. Always remember, if you didn't pull the nasty game, you deserve respect, even from the person you are divorcing. So married, engaged or single; live with dignity. Robert Weiss, Ph. As tech and relationship roles change, so does cheating. Porn can reveal elements of arousal that a person might be unaware of. What, if anything, should you tell your kids about infidelity? Back Psychology Today.

Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Does Hunger Make You Selfish? Just Relax. The Secret Life of Geeks. Robert Weiss Ph. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. An expert has answers. Of course the spouse bears Submitted by Gary g on September 16, - pm. You didn't cause the cheating! Submitted by also anonymous on October 1, - pm.

I haven't read all the comments , just the last few and want to clear something up. This example may help. I totally agree Submitted by Jeff on April 23, - pm. This article was not well thought out. What about sexless marriages? Submitted by Gary g on September 16, - pm.

I did Submitted by Foundafew on September 25, - am. Hi Gary, I did find a few women on there, I met maybe a dozen and slept with around 8 or so of them. Based on the data dump Submitted by Gary g on September 25, - pm. Based on the data dump analysis, what you are saying is most likely not true. It is entirely true Submitted by Foundafew on September 26, - am. Further Submitted by Foundafew on September 26, - am. I thought I would explain my observations and experiences of online dating, and how unfair it seems to be for many men who I do genuinely feel bad for : Let's break this down into categories of A,B,C,D,E like a report card.

E grade, well you kinda don't stand a chance.


Surviving Cheating: How to Decide to Stay, Leave, or Fix a Relationship After Infidelity | Glamour

Very unfair. So what is going on here? You have a very stereotyped Submitted by Gary g on September 26, - am. What you say contradicts the Submitted by Gary g on September 26, - am. As for myself, I have never been on AM.. I have all the women I need in real life. Some points Submitted by Foundafew on September 27, - am. Now as for the sex drive thing: There are massive, well documented differences in male and female sex drive.